Fantasy Vs. Reality

I didn't see Brad this week. He hasn't been himself. He's going through his own crap and well it's difficult for me when he gets like that. He's just kind of sad and stuck inside himself. So I opted to make an excuse and stay away and I can't promise that this week will be any different but we will see. Tonight I will see Ean and Ean will need to take care of all my needs this week....well most of my needs anyway.

I dreamt last night that Brad and I lived together and we were adding a girl to our relationship. Yea like a girlfriend for us. This is something that has long turned me on but I don't think I'd ever really want to do it. I love thinking about such things though. The jealousy can make it feel that much more exciting. Difficult to explain but at least in fantasy its very hot. It's not about me having sex with the girl. It's about watching him have sex with her that gets me excited. At least in fantasy. In the real world I can't get past my jealous and possessive feelings to accept that idea no matter how hot it makes me. Sexuality is a funny thing. Don't you think?

"Do you feel guilty?" Brad asked.

"No, " I replied.

"Not even last week?"

"Nope! I will if I get caught but until then there is no reason to feel guilty."

It seemed like a reasonable enough explanation. That is until I was driving home and it struck me. I used to feel guilty when I was with just Brad and just thinking about cheating on him. How come I don't feel that way with Ean? How come when I thought about lying to Brad and going behind his back it hurt ME so deeply? How come it doesn't with Ean?

That conversation took place in my car at a store parking lot in between kisses. Until finally we gave into our driving passion and kissed each other as if we were trying to swallow one another up. Brad's hands were in my hair pulling tight and I was home. Yes home that is where I am when I am in his arms or when his fingers are wrapped around my long blonde strands. Soon I was groping between his legs searching for his cock. I found it there hard and waiting for me. "You want to suck that cock. Don't you?"

"Yes I do!"

Brad pulled down his pants. I bent over him and began sucking him right there in my car in the parking lot. It occured to me that this spot was probably a little more public than was good for me but I wasn't about to stop now. I started sucking his stiff cock working that bad boy for all it was worth while Brad delivered sweet nothings like, "Slut," and "Suck that cock whore, " and "swallow that cock" He grabbed my head and pushed it down over his hard cock. "Swallow it! Deep throat that cock!" I did as he demanded and swallowed every solid inch of that hot cock again and again until finally I gagged and had to pull back a little for a moment. Then I went right back to sucking it hard until eventually I made that bad boy spill his juices all over my tounge. Mmmmm, I so love the taste of him! His cum coated my tongue and I moaned like a whore in heat, so overjoyed by the event. Ahh just like old times with his hot cum filling my mouth.

Big, Meaty and Yummy

Sometimes Brad sends me pictures of men with big hard cocks that he knows I would admire and want to suck. I always enjoy this. Brad enjoys the idea of me being with other men. This excites me that he does. Someday I'd like to have sex with him and another guy. I want Brad to watch me suck of a nice big gorgeous cock.

For now I get off looking at the pictures and then I show Brad on his own cock how I'd suck those big thick yummy monster cocks like a good slut!

Wonder

I often wonder what it is about Brad that makes me love him so much. Ean and I have so much more in common than Brad and I. Ean and I are so much more alike than Brad and I.

There is this draw with Brad. It's like the pull of a magnet. It's really as if Brad is a part of me, a peice of my soul. I've never been able to explain. I hate that I can't walk away from him. Hate that I can't stop loving him. Hate that I feel so helpless to my own feelings.

Sometimes I feel angry at Brad for everything that I feel and I wish that I could wash him right out of my life. Yet, if I were to wash him away I'd end up following him right down the drain.

Thoughts and Some Fantasy

Basically I spent this week putting my feelings into perspective I guess you could say. When I was with Brad last time it was difficult to be close to him. I mean affectionate because I had yet to figure out how I felt and was holding back. I was hesitant and unsure of what I was doing and where I wanted this to go. There was a part of me that believed (like the alcoholic to the drink) that I could just be with him one time and get him out of my system. Yeah right! Like that would ever happen! That man will never be out of my system.

I guess I had to decide to accept that. Now this week I feel different. I want to be close with Brad in just the way we've been for years. I want to touch him, to hold him, to scratch his back. I want to kiss him passionately and all but swallow him up! I want to kiss him until neither of us can stand another moment and in that fiery passion Brad pushes me to my knees and pulls out his hard cock and stuffs it in between my lips. I want to be his!

But tonight with Ean. I realized how much I want to be close with him too. I want to hold him, to caress him, to scratch his back too. I want to feel him caress me and make my body tingle. I want to be pleasured into oblivion like he so often does for me.

I couldn't see Brad this week but he was strong on my mind! I used my dildo and my vibrator as I imagined scenarios with him. I imagined scenarios with Ean too. I imagined bringing home a beautiful young woman to share with Ean. Oh Ean would love that! I'd kiss her and slowly disrobe her kissing and licking my way down her neck to her breasts licking and sucking each rosy nipple. Then I'd lay her back and kiss my way down her belly till I reached her lovely shaved jewel. I'd lick her clit, licking pleasure into her body and tasting her sweet womanly juices. I'd take Eans hand and lead him to her breasts and Ean would begin to suck and fondle her while I licked the orgasm out of her body. Then I'd tell Ean, "Go on baby Fuck her!" With permission granted Ean wouldn't waste anytime sliding his cock into her wet pussy. "Fuck her hard! Fuck her like a whore!" I'd demand and watch him fuck her brains out....then my mind shifted back to Brad and I imagined his hands in my hair holding my hair tightly demanding, "Suck that cock you whore!" That was all it took and I was cumming hard imagining his cock pulsating in my throat.

God I love having two men to love!

The Love of Two Men

I am excitingly anticipating my next visit with Brad. It is sure to be better for me this time now that I've got the first time out of the way. I would like to say that this doesn't change anything between Ean and I but that would be a lie. I can feel the shift in the relationship and I know he can too. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but there is a shift.

I find I have to work harder and being close to Ean. Perhaps this will be better and easier with practice for I truly don't want to take anything away from Ean. There are two different kinds of love involved here. What I feel for Brad is so much different than what I feel for Ean.

Brad makes me feel alive he awakens the passion within me. Ean is more of a gentle love. He is kind and gentle and makes me feel content and comfortable in his arms. I need both of those things but haven't been able to find them all rolled into one man....oh if only I could!

I need the body rubs, the sweet kisses on my neck the loving whispers in my ear. I need the man who is so eager to please me in bed, doing all he can to make me cum multiple times and not satisfied until I'm practically lifeless on the bed. Yes I need all of that. I need the companionship while doing simple things like watching tv or cooking a meal. I need that person who I can rely on when things go wrong. Someone who looks out for me and trys to make sure I'm okay. Who fixes things and keeps things maintained. I need that all. But too I need the wild passionate kisses, the dirty talking, the roughness, the dominance and submission that Brad and I share. I ache to feel his hands in my hair pulling as he drives his stiff cock through my painted lips and fucks my mouth like his very own private fuck hole. God I need that!

Finally!

Brad and I were finally able to steal a small window of time and get together. Unfortunately we had to use the car but hey you do what you have to, you know? I met him at one of our designated meeting spots and we drove to a secluded area.

It was dark and thinking back I never actually saw his face other than the shadow of his face. It made the whole event seem that much more illicit. It left an air of mystery too. Does he still look the same? I found myself wondering. Well it's only been a few months since we broke up. He must still look the same I argued with myself. Yet I was left the next day longing just for glimpse.

We started kissing as if we had never split up as if it was just another ordinary rendezvous for us. I have to admit it was my first time cheating on Ean so I felt a little nervous and disconnected from myself and even from Brad. However, I knew I would feel that way. I knew that the first time wouldn't be anywhere near as good as the next time. I wondered if it were that way for Brad too. Not that it wasn't good mind you just that my own feelings were very disconnected. After the event I found I felt more than during. Again I knew it would go that way.

I also found myself worrying and trying to make up excuses and stories for if this that or the other thing were to happen. Such as the car breaking down. What if the police caught us how would I explain that? What if his wife found out somehow. What if suddenly Brad was no longer with his wife. Then what? A thought that didn't bother me so much before Ean but now with Ean. I didn't want to even want to think about the stress, chaos and pain that would cause me! Oh God so many things could go wrong.

I was sure I didn't want for Ean to find out. I was sure I didn't want for Ean to get hurt and suddenly now in the midst of this steamy affair with Brad I have all these other things to think about. Things that I never had to think about with him before. So these things were on my mind as I reached for Brad's cock, my mind was racing as I helped Brad remove his pants. I wrapped my lips around Brads stiff tool and thoughts of Ean began to leave my mind and suddenly all that mattered was working that hot cock in my mouth. All that mattered was getting that load. I thought of what a whore I am for Brad's cock.

Ean slowly came back to my mind. He would hate me if he knew. He would never understand this side of me. Would he forgive me I wondered....would he hurt me? I don't think he would ever hurt me. Would he hurt Brad...I don't think so he's not a fighter but if he were going to hurt anyone it would be Brad. No he wouldn't do that. He's not a fighter at all. FUCK! Why must I think about this now?!! I forced Ean from my head once again and went back to begging that cock for its juices. Brad had his hands in my hair and he was reminding me of what a dirty slut I was for sneaking out and sucking his cock like a good whore. "Suck it you whore!" Again thoughts of Ean were seeping into my mind yet again. What would he think of his princess now?

I would love for Ean to accept this about me. I would love him to love me in spite of it. Truly I would. I think about that all of the time. I don't think he ever would. I kept sucking that cock. It felt so big to me. Did it grow? Was it always this big? Yeah I guess it was. Brad forced my head down until I gagged. His hands were holding my hair tight and again he was telling me, "Swallow that cock slut, swallow it up!" I worked it good, until it erupted in my mouth shooting its sweet man juices all over my tongue and the back of my throat. My soul rejoiced at the taste of that jizz. Ean never cums in my mouth and I missed it!

The next day I kissed Ean and all I could think about was how I had swallowed that big load of man cream the night before. It turned me on incredibly to be kissing Ean knowing my dirty little secret. The funny thing about this is the contrast in the way both men treat me is what makes this so exciting for me! Ean loves me, adores me and caters to my needs. He is ever so eager to please me and excite me in and out of bed. Ean gives me more orgasms then any man ever has because he works so hard at it. I love Ean for this. I totally love him for it! Brad treats me like I'm a cockwhore, he calls me a whore and a slut and is somewhat forceful and dominant and I love and adore him for that. Both men feed into each other and delight me in a way that I never dreamed possible!

Everything feels so good it's downright scary! I've learned a truth about myself that I never wanted to admit. I need more than one man to really please me and there isn't really any getting around that fact I guess. I feel so happy!

Where I'm At

I'm still in the early stages of this new phase in my life. So I understand that it's going to take awhile before I get it all together. I don't really feel guilty as I do worried about getting caught. There I said it and that might make me a horrible person but I thought it best to be totally honest. I dont feel guilty because I think that for the first time in my life I'm being true to me. Something I've really never been before. Also who better knows the whys of these circumstances than me and I understand clearly how I came to this point. And this point does appear to be the only workable solution. Hence, there is no reason to feel guilty. Well as long as I don't get caught, that is.

I like what both of these men offer me. I would tell you more about my sexcapades with Ean to help you understand perhaps a little better but I don't want to get caught so I can't go sharing every explicit detail that we share. Our sexual play is very unique too and almost on the opposite spectrum of Brad and I.

Yes, if there is one thing I want to ensure its that I dont get caught. I don't want to get caught because it would hurt Ean desperately and I would never want to hurt him. He would also be very disappointed in me and that would hurt me.

It's only cheating if you get caught, right? And what they don't know wont hurt them. So I intend to not get caught and never hurt him! Even if that means I have to sacrafice my own pleasure from time to time by not seeing Brad everytime I want. I have to remain rational even while my heart is filled with passionate yearnings and I ache to be on my knees at Brads feet pleasuring his beautiful cock. I have to control my ravenouous slutty intentions when need be. I have to! There just are no other options.

Thoughts of the Day

I don't have too much time to write because Ean will be back soon. So this will be short and sweet I suppose.

I have a few more days till I can see Brad. I can't wait! I'm dying to kiss him, dying to touch him, dying to feel his strong hands in my hair as he pulls my long blonde hair and guides me down to his sweet cock. I so love having sex with Brad. There is nothing like it on the planent. He makes me feel things no man ever has.

I know Ean would be so hurt if he knew the way I felt about Brad but it isn't because Ean isn't great. Ean is great and Ean does things for me that no man ever has and I love and appreciate him for those things.

I really never meant to cheat on Ean. I woudln't cheat on him excpet that I am still also in love with Brad. I tried to walk away but I just couldn't. My soul screams out for him. He is very much a part of me. It's a fine mess I've gotten myself into isn't it?!!

I spent the morning chatting with Brad online. He was writing me all kinds of slutty things while I was at work. I had all I could do not to squirm around in my chair. This only has aided in making me a walking lustful mess! Right now as we speak Ean and I are emailing back and forth. His emails are slightly sexual in nature and quite playful. He'll be coming back in a few minutes to finsih what he's started. I love what both of these men bring to me. As wrong as it may be I'm very very happy with the two of them, very very happy!

Last Night and This Morning

Ean and I were sitting on the couch together. I had my lingerie on and was wrapped up in a blanket to stay warm while he rubbed my feet. "You're tired. We don't have to have sex tonight," he offered.

I gave him that look of 'yeah right'

Then I announced, "You go get naked, I have to pee first."

There was no arguements from him. By the time I came out of the bathroom he was naked and in bed waiting for me.

I cuddled up next to him and started feeling up his cock right away. It was already hard and waiting for me. He started feeling me up sucking and nibbling on my nipples and I turned around climbed on top of him and started to ride him. It wasn't long before I was cumming all over that cock....a typical night for us.

This morning I woke up feeling him wrapped tightly around me his cock was rock hard jabbing me in the butt cheek. I slowly moved him off of me and pushed him to his back with out waking him. I slid down his body and took his cock into my mouth and started licking and sucking that bad boy! Mmmm, I love sucking cock! I licked it good letting my tongue run up and down that stiff shaft, taking every hot inch into my throat. Soon he was awake and moaning and squirming beneath me. I kept working him good. I worked him for a good half an hour till he couldn't stand it a moment later he guided me to my back and slid his cock into my wet pussy and started fucking me silly. "Oh yeah!" I cried.

He pumped me full of orgasms before shooting his hot load into me. One thing about Ean he always cums a lot! I can feel it all splashing inside of me and then it drips out for days. He never cums in my mouth. If he ever does he'll probably drown me.

He left to go to work and I pulled out my dildo. I had Brads cock on my mind now. All I could think of was gettting my hands all over it again and sucking it good. I wanted to rub it all over my face and beg him to fuck my mouth and tell what a slut I was for him. How his cock owns me. Then I imagined him throwing me up against the hood of my car and ripping my panties off and sliding his cock into me doggie style while pulling my head back by my hair and telling me, "You're my cockwhore! You'll always be my cockwhore!"

I imagined him fucking the hell out me pounding his cock into my cunt until he just had to flip me over and stroke it off in my face, "Lick it up slut! Swallow that cum you whore!" I'd dutifully swallow and lick it all up....oh yes life is good and soon I'll be back there with Brad sucking his beautiful cock and being a total whore for him. A princess to one man a whore to another. Can it get any better than this I ask you?

Princess and the Slut or Destiny, That's Me!

Hi my name is Destiny.

I was seeing Brad a married man for several years and I loved him passionately but there was also a sadness attached along with a loss of dignity etc etc. You know? The whole married man/single woman routine. Then I looked up an old boyfriend, Ean and we started seeing one another. I soon ended things with Brad. Ean treats me like a queen. He's the greatest and I adore him. I am so happy to have him in my life! Sounds like a happy ending doesn't it? Well it doesn't stop there!

You see I soon discovered that even though I was really happy with Ean Brad was still there in my heart and my soul and I was miserable without him. I still loved him and wanted him. I tried to forget him, really I did. Tried to move on, but I found myself drawn to him, needing him, hungering for him in the worst way. Oh don't get me wrong I still hungered for Ean too. I wanted them both. I yearned for what they both give me. I know it sounds horribly selfish and in that respect I guess I am but I had to have them both!

I should probably mention that I've always been a very sexual woman. I need a lot of sex and I'm quite passionate. Ean gives me lots of sex and he's fun and he likes to experiment but at the same time Brad gives the passion that I crave and he is somewhat dominant and I have a submissive side and he speaks to that.

In all of my years with Brad I've submitted to him over and over again. I pull away I try to leave, add other men to the mix, yada yada yada...and then the next thing I know I'm on my knees admitting what a slut I am for him and his cock. I don't pretend to understand this. It just is the way it is for us. Also with Brad I can tell all of my secrets to. He's the best friend I've ever had.
Ean on the other hand is the pal around buddy that I hang out with. The one who caters to the princess in me. The princess needs to be catered to. The slut needs to be tended. I need more than one man to handle these. It's just the way it is for me. I know some of you will hate me for this and you'll hate Brad too. So you are the ones I don't want to hear from and if I do I'll just delete your comments and they will never be publicly seen at least not here on my blog. No haters allowed.

This blog is intended to offer an honest account into the mind of a highly sexed woman in love and lust with two men. It's intended to offer you insight as well as perhaps to myself also.

I wonder if perhaps we were all designed to love more than one individual at a time. I wish this could be an open arrangement and that I could be honest with Ean but Ean is very jealous and doesn't like to share. I love Ean and don't want to give him up just because he wouldn't accept an open relationship. It is my intention to love Ean so well that he would never suspect and never go for nought. It is also my intention to love Brad as best I can in the moments that we can steal away together.

It is not my intention to hurt either. I want us all to be happy. I will do everything I can to prevent Ean from ever learning the truth. Believe it or not Brad and I are two of the nicest people I know but we are both very sexual and passionate if not a bit polyamorous. I've had some trouble myself accepting the poly in Brad because I tend to be a possessive lover although at the same time it can be arousing at times to me. Brad on the other hand has done a much better job of accepting my need for more than one partner and often enjoys it. I am trying to accept Brad's marriage and hoping it will be easier this time around now that I'm in a stable relationship myself. It's something I've strived to do since the inception and failed miserably up to now. You see I'm not really a very good sharer, especially when I love someone. Now, see? I told you this would be an honest account. The only untruths you will find within these pages will be merely a means to protect the innocent and the not so innocent. Therefore some names, descriptions etc may be fictional.